823 a day without any job seeking updates

Since I start to find a job, I check my email every morning immediately after I wake up. It has been a few months that I don't receive any updates and good news on the interview. Will I still be able to find a job? Am I that bad to have someone hire? I begin to doubt myself and drown myself in the negative mood. 

I deeply understand that I will not go far with the negative energy. The longer I hold the hopeless and self-suspect feeling, the more spirit I will lose. Conversely, this will make me unable to focus and strive to learn more. It's easy to say "everything will be fine", It's hard to adjustment the mindset every second. Overall, it's a tough period of my life. 

What I can do now is to trust myself, sleep well, be positive, be strong and be active. Once I can handle myself properly, I would be able to welcome another opportunity. Life is a journey, a day is a dot if the life span is zoomed in. I should think what I can do and change, abandon what I can't change and influence. 

Don't be sad. I believe I will have my chance. At this moment, please work hard to prepare for it. 

August 16th - The pain of interview

Today was a fairly ordinary day. With no looming deadlines for my ongoing project, I was able to tackle my to-do list at my own pace. I made progress on tasks like population validation, assessing the reasonableness of raw data, and selecting samples. As I became more adept and self-assured in these processes, I sensed that my managers were gaining confidence in me as well. They've begun entrusting me with tasks I can complete independently, without constant supervision.

However, my anxiety is steadily growing when it comes to interviews. Especially after the Amazon interview, where I experienced a setback (downgrade), I find myself uncertain about the areas where I fell short. These doubts about my abilities are casting a shadow over my interview preparations. This week's interview performances have left me dissatisfied, and I'm increasingly hesitant to put in the effort. Despite acquiring valuable skills in the field of IA consulting, I can't shake the feeling of lagging behind many of my competitors. Additionally, I'm grappling with confusion about my career path—should I pursue a role in accounting, external auditing, internal auditing? The answer eludes me.

Adding to my concerns, I've yet to complete my CPA exam, and this weighs heavily on me. I'm struggling to understand why I lack the same determination I had in my twenties.

I'm at a loss about what steps to take. I'm eager to secure a job, but I'm also reluctant to hastily seize an opportunity only to find myself wasting time once again.

Perhaps I can start by organizing my thoughts and creating a plan of action:

Job Search (Thoroughly prepare based on job descriptions, expand upon my experiences at GrubMarket, and acquire proficiency in new tools like QBO and NetSuite. Develop skills in reconciliation and financial report preparation.)

Complete the Regulation Exam (Commit at least one hour each day to studying the material. Establishing this daily routine is crucial.)

Document Daily Activities (Take comprehensive notes and evaluate how my experiences can contribute to my future roles and overall career growth.) 

The Beginning

After I started exploring the spiritual world, I gradually came to realize that observing and focusing on my inner self are instrumental in managing not only my mood, attitude, and habits, but also my entire life. One effective method I've discovered is maintaining a journal – a practice where I jot down my feelings, emotions, and thoughts of the day. I gleaned this insight from watching numerous psychology, neurology, and meditation YouTube videos. As a result, I've decided to commit to this method for as long as possible, diligently documenting my progress and perceptions.

Undoubtedly, writing my journal in English poses a significant challenge for me. Nevertheless, I am determined to attempt it, even if it's just one word per day.